When couples get married, they quickly realize that finances, which were somewhat relevant when they were just dating, become a constant discussion point.  Even couples that are in sync with money matters realize why financial decisions are consistently one of the top 3 reasons couples get divorced. 

To help improve their odds of handling financial stress in marriage, below are 10 guidelines couples can use to be successful. 

1. Money is much More than Money – Fully grasping this statement can be a great starting point for most couples. Through money and finances is how individuals see themselves, it’s a reflection on how they were raised, and it highlights their strengths and insecurities.  Couples need to be open with each other regarding their financial past and how money impacts them emotionally. 
2. Constant Communication – Meeting monthly to discuss current and future financial decisions can be extremely important.  These discussions should be held at a set time, with limited distractions and no alcohol. Having these check-ins can remove uncertainty and make sure everyone is on the same page.
3. Agree on Long-Term Goals and Parameters – It’s best to have this conversation before you say “I do” but if not, it’s best to have it quickly thereafter.  This discussion helps make sure everyone is on the same page with big financial decisions and the best path to get there.  Once these big goals like kid’s education, retirement savings, and car purchases are agreed to and followed, it helps remove future hurdles.
4. Together & Separate – Having a joint bank account and credit cards is a good approach for most household expenses but each spouse having a separate bank account and credit card for smaller purchases is a formula for success.  Even if only one spouse works, it is very important that each person has the ability to spend a certain amount each month without being judged by the other spouse. 
5. Avoid Spending Creep – As time goes on most couples start to earn more money and one of the areas that causes stress is their spending moving higher as their household income increases.  One of the best approaches is to have a meeting after raises occur to discuss how the money will be spent and also plan how future raises might be spent.  Part of this approach should include an agreement that somewhere between 10-30% of a raise should go to increased long-term saving for various goals.
6. Emergency Reserve Fund – Having 3-6 months of cash set aside for unexpected expenses can be a great way to help reduce financial stress in a relationship.  It is also important to agree on what expense falls into the category of being covered by this fund.
7. Hire a Fiduciary Wealth Advisor – Having an advisory team that can be the experts guiding the financial decisions can make those decisions easier and less stressful.  Because the advisor has no vested interest in these decisions, their guidance can be easier to follow, and they can help remove disagreements.
8. Household Budget – It doesn’t have to be extremely detailed but having a high-level budget will help couples stay on track and can be used as part of the monthly financial discussions.
9. Mistakes will Happen – Both individually and as a couple, there will be times when you overspend.  Don’t beat yourself or each other up but agree to committing to fixing mistakes going forward.
10. Transparency is a Must – As with most things in marriage, it’s going to be hard to be successful if a couple is not being open and honest with each other regarding financial mistakes and their feelings regarding their financial situation.    

It’s best to utilize these guidelines before your married but it’s never too late to start.   If starting with all 10 is overwhelming, start with 3-4 and add additional guidelines over time.  I hope these guidelines help remove some of the financial stress in your marriage and help you find a way to have a successful relationship.